This is long, and I’m sorry. However, I firmly believe it’s from God because it was one of those days when the words just came. 

This morning I randomly flipped my Bible open and landed in Psalms 78. This Psalm is about the Israelites and their forgetful disobedience in the desert. It was random that I read this today because I’ve been studying Hebrews. So when I turned to Hebrews 3, which is basically saying the same thing, my mind was kind of blown! Hebrews says don’t forget what God did and is capable of, don’t end up like those who tested God’s leading and provision and never got to enter the promised land. Only God could have tied these two passages together this morning, just when I needed it! Is there any doubt that He is alive and working!!

I wrote some questions to process through after reading Psalms 78:

• How and when have I been like the Israelites- forgetting, not believing and testing God? 
• When and where have I failed to tell future generations about the wonders of God?
• When have I seen and experienced God stopping and holding back the waters for me? And do I honestly believe He will do it again?

Hebrews 3 begins with “Therefore” and we know that whenever we see that word, we have to ask what is therefore, there for?  Which typically means you need to read what preceded the word. Hebrews 1 – 2 are about Jesus and His superiority to angels and man. I’m not gonna lie, these are hard to understand passages that I do not fully get, but what I do know is that Jesus had to be like us (fully man) SO THAT, He could empathize with our brokenness. He felt hungry, thirsty, and tired. He laughed, He cried, He felt the warmth of physical touch. He even felt what seemed like the abandonment of God while He hung on the cross. Hebrews 3 is saying because of ALL of that – pay attention! Which is where the tie into Psalms 78 comes. 

Psalms 78 is basically a recounting of how God led His CHOSEN people out of Egypt. How they walked through water that not only parted, but stood still! How He provided food, water, directions, everything they needed not only to survive but find their way to the land He had PROMISED them. And what did they do? Argued, complained and whined because they couldn’t have their way. They doubted His ability, His love, His provision. They doubted God. I mean sometimes I don’t know why God even bothered putting up with this stubborn group of people. But then I quickly remember how much I am just exactly like them. 

After the “therefore” in Hebrews 3, we read “holy brothers and sisters, who SHARE in a heavenly calling”. The author is talking to Christ followers here, those of us who profess Jesus as LORD and Savior of our lives. Verses 12-13 say “Watch out, brothers and sisters (there it is again) so that there won’t be in any of you an evil and unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage each other DAILY while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception.”. With that in mind, here are my honest answers to the questions referenced above. My hope is that my experiences and transparency will encourage you as you walk with God.

How and when have I been like the Israelites- forgetting, not believing and testing God? 

Seems like a cop out to say every single day, but recently especially, this is exactly how it has been for me. I could share page after page of examples that range from healing, to financial provision, to family dynamics and relationships, jobs, ministry, and more. At the end of the day however, I find myself grateful that God didn’t give up and doesn’t give up on His CHOSEN people. It’s important to remember we didn’t choose God, He chose us (John 15:16)! Most of you reading this have heard me complain about my shoulder injury more than you want. Believe me – I get it, cause I’m sick of talking about it!! However, this is a huge way I’ve been “testing” God pretty much every single day. Every time I move to raise my arm, or pick something up or get dressed, I find myself doubting the healing and expecting the pain that usually follows. In my mind I wonder if God will ever heal me and I think things like “Prove it God. Allow me to raise my arm naturally and normally right now.” Then I tense up my entire body and make the attempt. Which always fails! Which makes 100% sense today as I sit here convicted over my doubt and unbelief. Why would He heal, when I doubt. That is not how He works and scripture backs that up! 

A quick note for my fellow Greece mission trip team members – do you get what this means? God CHOSE you to go on this trip! Trust Him to provide and lead the way. If you are like me, you’ve been stressed out and worried about how many things. A big area is  financial provision. I get it! Day after day you see that status bar not moving even though you’ve sent the emails, made the posts, asked the people. God reminded me today that He not only can provide but WILL provide in His timing. Just like He did when His people were wandering around the desert. How much manna did He provide and when? Exactly what they needed for that day, each and every day. I believe He will do the same for us!!

When and where have I failed to tell future generations about the wonders of God?

At my age, most everyone I interact with is a part of a “future generation”, so I need to apologize to basically everyone I know. The main thing that comes to mind here is my failure to share my writing. I’ve not made or taken the time that past few months to write, let alone share what God has placed on my heart. The few times I have written, I’ve not shared it publicly but only with a chosen few. That is NOT what God has called me to do with this gift He’s given me. I’ve been acting like the dude that buried his talent in the sand from Matthew 25:14-30. And I certainly don’t want to end up like him!

The thing is, it’s not just writing. Sometimes conversations are what is needed more, a listening and understanding ear, someone able to empathize with others. Someone who has gone before and can TELL about how God has provided, made ways and held back the water! All I’ve been able to see and focus on recently have been the unanswered prayers and those where God has said no or not yet. 

I made a commitment to share with my co-workers on a regular basis and I’ve dropped that ball basically all of second semester. Sorry KCLC family! I say sharing what God is teaching me is the favorite part of my job and yet I can count on one hand the times I’ve made the time to do so over the past several months. 

When have I seen and experienced God stopping and holding back the waters for me? And do I honestly believe He will do it again?

This question for me is where the rubber meets the road. Three examples come to mind pretty quickly of God holding back the waters that threatened to destroy us. I’ll not go into the details here, but if you want to know – just ask! They are when I walked away from my corporate job, my husband’s back surgery (while we had no insurance) and the loss of my mom. All devastating for different reasons BUT GOD! He came through in miraculous water holding back ways. 

The harder part of that question for me personally is – do I HONESTLY believe He will do it again? The answer, which I feel like you can assume based on what I’ve already shared is no. You don’t know how much it hurts to write that honest answer. But the truth is my doubts have been winning the war of my mind and heart lately. And while I talk a big game and go through all the right motions, doubts and unbelief plague my mind daily! 

There are a few prayers that God has not answered the way I want, in the time I want that lead to that doubt. I’ll only share one because the others are not all mine to share. And yes, sadly it involves my stupid broken shoulder. I know you are tempted to stop reading now, even if you’ve made it this far. I promised the truth though so….. Since my fall in December I and others have prayed pretty specific prayers about it. The first being I wouldn’t need surgery. 13 screws and a titanium plate later, we all know how that one turned out. Since then we’ve prayed for complete healing and recovery, no pain and full range of motion. As of today, while I’m way better than I was even a couple of weeks ago, those prayers have also not been answered in the way or time we would hope. Actually, yesterday was a “deadline” of sorts for me in calling the surgeon back. There is an entire other story about that one that I’ve also failed to share. (Maybe I’ll post that one as a follow up). 

The point is – going back to Hebrews 3:12-13 this is where I find myself today. On the edge of being “hardened by sin’s deception”, because of my unbelief (which is sin). Looking for answers outside of trusting God (also sin), taking matters into my own hands (yep, more sin), while at the same time not putting in the rehab work that I know is needed (still sin). Basically, I’m a hot mess! 
The amazingly cool thing is that God got my attention today! And all it took was me getting on my knees and confessing my drifting and committing a few hours to just listen to Him. As I close this long story, I am beyond thankful that God doesn’t ever give up on me/us! As it says in Psalms 34:18 “The LORD is near the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.”. I hope this encourages anyone reading and struggling to not give up on God, but to instead suck up your pride, get down on your knees and honestly just have a conversation with the God who loves you and chose you!