Depression, burnout, weariness – call it what you will, it is so very widespread in our world today. It doesn’t matter your profession, social status or financial well-being.  Additionally, I believe it is just as prevalent in our churches and among church staff members as it is in the outside world. I am convinced that we bring much of this on ourselves. We don’t want to be left behind or seen as having less, doing less, being less. We’ve lost the ability and desire to rest and I’d guess that the majority of churches fail to teach people how to take a Sabbath. We don’t do it well, so why would we think those we are leading would?

I share this today because I am and have been in the thick of what I labeled just last week as depression. I am a Christian, I work at a church, I’m involved in our church and yet I struggle daily and I see the same warning signs in so many others each and every day. However, I’m learning that for me at least, it has more to do with burn-out and not being willing to lay down the load I insist on carrying each and every day. Please hear me when I say, I am NOT mocking depression. Depression is something that many, including my own family, deal with and have dealt with. However, so many of the symptoms between depression and burnout are the same that as a society we too quickly jump to medication as the answer when in reality we simply need to allow Jesus to completely have His way with us. 

I’m gonna be 100% honest here. I turned 60 in July. This is the first time, age has really bothered me. But this number has caused me to do quite a bit of self-examination, wondering how much of my life I’ve wasted and how many opportunities I’ve missed. I keep saying I don’t want to be an old, old person and I truly want to finish well and “run the race to the fullest” before Jesus calls me home. I share that to say that ever since my birthday, the heavy weight of all that I carry and all that I desire has seemed so much heavier. I’m constantly tired, see myself trying to disconnect, can’t focus on anything and honestly just want to run away and hide from reality. The other thing at play here is my pride and refusal to ask for help. And yes, all of this was happening inside me even as I read the Bible and prayed most every day. Begging God to lead me out of the darkness that was oh so very heavy. 

Psalms 51 and Mark 5:21-34 are where God directed my thoughts. Psalms 51 is the Psalm in which David confessed to God after being confronted with his own sin and shame. For the longest time I couldn’t understand what it was that kept me going back to that scripture day after day. Mark 5:21-34 is where we learn about a woman who had suffered from a bleeding disorder for many years and found herself alone, broke, and hopeless until the day she heard Jesus was nearby. In her desperation she went to Jesus telling herself “if I can just touch his clothes, I will be healed”. Once again I struggled to understand what I wasn’t understanding and why Jesus kept having me read this story over and over again. 

Ultimately I did talk to my husband as well as a trusted friend. Not really asking for help, but confessing my struggling and inability to get past whatever this funk was. Much like the woman we read about in Mark, Jesus took me to my knees in desperation. The correlation between the two passages became clearer and slowly but surely since then God has begun to lift the fog and darkness. In Psalms 51 we read about the desperation David felt as he cried out to God, begging Him not only to “blot out his sins” but also to “create a clean heart and steadfast spirit within him”. David, once confronted with his sin, runs to the only One who can heal and save HIm – His God. In Mark the bleeding woman also goes to the only One she believes can make her well. Both had absolute faith in God. But also in both of these stories David and the woman tried to “fix” the issues on their own first. David tried to hide his affair with Bathseba in various ways, including murder. While the bleeding woman had spent all she had on countless doctors, only to become worse instead of better. These stories made me see my own sin more clearly. I too had been trying to find solutions on my own. Refusing to admit I needed help- even from God. Trying to prove I was indeed strong enough to carry all the stuff, not only my stuff but the stuff of those I love. I believe it took me confessing how much I was struggling to two people I trust for me to see – I can’t and wasn’ t meant to run this race alone. 

My order was a little out of whack, going to people before fully working it out with God. But in His faithfulness He has meant me and continues to meet me daily by pulling back the curtain a little at a time, revealing His truth to me. This will look different for everyone however, I share the steps I went through and am going through because I know there are others hurting and I want you to know you are not alone! 

Talk to God. Just be honest, tell Him exactly how you feel and why. He already knows, but verbalizing it and fully acknowledging our hurt and pain is important for us in understanding why we feel some of the things we feel. Secondly, be quiet and be patient. Yes, it is hard! But remember God is working on our hearts and minds even when He seems quiet and still. And if we don’t make ourselves quiet we just might miss where He is leading and what He is saying. When God brings a scripture to mind, look it up in an actual Bible (not your phone- too many distractions) and stay with it until God opens your understanding. If you journal, start writing everything that comes to mind as you read the scriptures God leads to. For me, this ended up in 5 journal pages full of stuff I was carrying that I needed to lay down at the feet of Jesus. There is no magic in writing them down, but for me it was an important step in embracing humility and fully comprehending just how much baggage I’d been lugging around. If you don’t journal – why not give it a try? Talk to your spouse or a trusted friend or counselor. Yes, it’s a hit to your pride – but if I did it, so can you! Plus, by saying “I’m struggling” out loud, you won’t be tempted to add to the baggage you are already carrying. 

For some this may be quick, for others like myself it may take some time. I’ll tell you that while I’ve had more good days than bad recently, it’s on the edge of my mind most every day and God continues to reveal more and more I need to lay at His feet. For us Christ followers – this is a battle for our very souls. Mark 8:36 says “For what does it benefit someone to gain the whole world and yet lose his life?”. It’s okay to say “no”, it’s ok and even important to have boundaries, it’s ok to just sit with Jesus and rest! In fact He invites us to do just that in Matt 11: 28 “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”.

My hope and prayer is that if you find yourself burnt out or close to it, you will find the courage to take a step of faith. Be like David and cry out to God. Be like the bleeding woman and reach out. It doesn’t have to be big and public, it can be as simple as getting on your knees or writing your prayer on paper, or texting a friend. Just take a step and allow the peace of God that transcends all understanding to wash over you today. 

I leave you with Isaish 43:1-7. May it refresh your soul as it has mine today. 

“Now this is what the Lord says—

the one who created you, Jacob,

and the one who formed you, Israel—

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by your name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you,

and the rivers will not overwhelm you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be scorched,

and the flame will not burn you.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, and your Savior.

I have given Egypt as a ransom for you,

Cush and Seba in your place.

Because you are precious in my sight

and honored, and I love you,

I will give people in exchange for you

and nations instead of your life.

Do not fear, for I am with you;

I will bring your descendants from the east,

and gather you from the west.

I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’

and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back!’

Bring my sons from far away,

and my daughters from the ends of the earth—

everyone who bears my name

and is created for my glory.

I have formed them; indeed, I have made them.”