This weekend I was reading the book of Luke about Jesus suffering and dying on the cross. It occurred to me that maybe I don’t take enough time to consider the level of sacrifice Jesus made for us. Think about it with me for a few minutes – Jesus, the perfect and sinless man is hanging there on the cross taking on the sin of the ENTIRE human race! The immense darkness and depravity ALL  laid on one man to carry, a man who prior to this point had not felt the weight of sin. I’m not sure our human minds can comprehend the weight, pain and separation from God this moment caused our Savior!

 Jesus obeyed the call on His life. He could have refused, suggested a different way or an easier and less painful way, after all He was the Son of God. But He didn’t. He could have delayed the cross, pushing pack on God’s timing, choosing instead to fight back. But He didn’t. He just obeyed and took it – ALL of it, the ridicule, shame, beatings and crushing weight of humanity’s sin. It doesn’t make sense to us, it can’t! 

Our human minds almost always search for options, desperately trying to find a better solution or different way. We fight, get angry, beg God to intervene, suggest compromises or make all kinds of promises as if making a deal with God were even possible. But not Jesus, He just obeyed. In Luke 22: 39-45 we read about Jesus’ prayer in the garden where He asked “if it’s possible, take the cup from me”. We read that He was so “deeply distressed that He sweated drops of blood”, but He also quickly followed up with “not my will, but yours Father”. Jesus faithfully and fully submitted His will, His way and His timing to God the Father. Jesus- fully God, yet also fully man (a great mystery we will never fully understand) willingly walked to His death. 

I wonder if perhaps because our human minds cannot fully understand, we lose our sense of awe and gratitude, maybe even respect for the sacrifice Jesus made. On this side of the resurrection, we have the blessing of knowing what happened three days later! The resurrection of Jesus is wonderful, amazing news and mind blowing news! I just can’t help but wonder though,  if we spend enough time sitting with Jesus in the garden? Do we get caught up in the rituals and traditions of Easter without allowing ourselves to be caught up in Jesus’ glory and obedience? Do we even spend time pondering the true sacrifice He made for each and everyone of us? Have we taken the time to apologize for our disobedience and apathy or do we take Jesus and His unending grace and mercy for granted, refusing ourselves, to be obedient in even the small things?

When I think about all the places I get stuck, refusing to move forward and obey because it seems too hard. The questions I ask, the timing I question and get angry over… When I think about the sin that I heaped on Jesus that day – it’s overwhelming!  How can I even sit here and write about it?! At times it makes me wonder what is broken inside of me that I don’t feel the awe and deep gratitude I should. Why am I not sharing the love of Jesus with absolutely everyone I meet every single day! Why do I let the little things in life get me so bogged down and depressed when I have a Savior that gave everything for me?

I’m not trying to be a downer here, I just wonder if as we move closer to Easter, the day we Christians celebrate the resurrection of our Savior, if we don’t need to stop and sit with Jesus for a while in the garden and tell Him thank you!