Ephesians 3:8-11 (NLT) “Though I am the least deserving of all God’s people, he graciously gave me the privilege of telling the Gentiles about the endless treasures available to them in Christ. I was chosen to explain to everyone this mysterious plan that God, the Creator of all things, had kept secret from the beginning. God’s purpose in all this was to use the church to display his wisdom in its rich variety to all the unseen rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was his eternal plan, which he carried out through Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The past couple of months, I’ve been doing a deep dive on the book of Ephesians. Purposefully taking it slow and making sure I not only understand the scripture but also making sure I take time and really listen to God. There have been several times I’ve found myself hung up and unable to move forward. These few verses in chapter 3 are one of those places. I don’t know how many times I’ve thought “ok, today I’m going to move forward in this book”, only to open my Bible and have God draw me right back to these few verses in chapter 3. It’s like He is saying “Lori, are you listening to me yet? Can’t you see what I’m trying to teach you?’. And everyday I cry. It’s taken me a while to figure out why the tears seem to flow so freely over these verses, I despise crying and will do pretty much anything to avoid it. But these few verses bring fresh tears every time I read them. Truth be told, I’m fighting back tears now as I try to write. I’ve had to ask God what I’m missing and I’ve had to force myself to linger and listen to how the Holy Spirit has been leading. 

It’s one thing to know God has called or chosen you to do something, but it’s another one to actually obey. You see, I know for sure God has called me to write and share what He has been teaching me. I know this because, writing is not something I ever dreamed of, aspired to or am even trained in. Yet, time and time again God puts words on my heart that I feel compelled to share and He continues to provide platforms for me to share.

The honest truth is I’ve become unwilling to share or invest time in writing recently because it’s not going the I thought or hoped it would. I thought I’d be further along by now. I’ve been frustrated that I’ve been stuck in pretty much the same place for so long. I’m discouraged that I haven’t been gaining traction. And gosh darn it, I’m still mad that God didn’t heal my mom! I so desperately wanted her to be proud of me and give her a copy of my first book. But none of that was God’s plan, it was all mine. So, I have avoided and refused to use the gift He’s given me, refused to fully obey. I’ve chosen instead to fill my life with doing things for God. Over committing myself, refusing to fully step away from serving in areas that are comfortable, volunteering to help with countless others, working on my days off, etc.. I’ve been so busy trying to be someone I was not created to be and do things that aren’t mine to do, that I’ve missed the opportunities God has placed right in front of me.

Am the only one, who finds it easier to do “good things”, supposedly for God, instead of doing what He tells you to do? What if Paul would have questioned his call to preach to the Gentiles? What if he decided it was too hard or that God had surely messed up and meant this job for someone else? What if he had stayed in the first church he planted in Philipi because it was known and comfortable? Think about it, we wouldn’t have most of what we know as the New Testament! Sure God, could and probably would have used someone else but it wouldn’t be the same. Heck I wouldn’t be stuck in the third chapter of Ephesians because it never would have been written!

We assume, since we know ourselves and all of our shortcomings that God wouldn’t or can’t use us. We are willing to serve Him in easy ways that are comfortable, but when it comes to obeying God in what we consider “bigger”callings we are quick to shy away. It’ so much easier to fill our lives with, well pretty much anything that seems safe. We are excellent time wasters and excuse makers. But don’t you want to be more like Paul in your williningness to follow Jesus? Paul humbly acknowledged his position (the least of all the saints), but also accepted the “grace given” to him and boldly stepped into his calling. He trusted God to do what he could not on his own. He stepped into the hard and uncomfortable, left what was safe and known for the sake of obeying God. I want that for us all! Don’t you?