One of the most frustrating things about being me is that I’m a slow learner. I learn best when I can touch, do, try and even fail. Unfortunately, learning spiritual lessons is no different. This has been especially evident the past few weeks. God has been gently confronting me with hard truth and sin in my life, and I’ve failed to fully comprehend. He is so very patient, showing me over and over and over again, what I continue to miss. Thankfully he doesn’t give up on growing us and changing us!

I actually started writing this several weeks ago, but alas, here I am still wrestling with God as I try to understand, fully taking to heart the lesson I know he is trying to teach. The thing is while frustrating, I’m thankful that God keeps at it, slowing me down, even stopping me until I’m still enough to listen. Being a hardcore type A person I tend to push through whatever I’m working on simply to mark it off my “to do” list. All the while knowing, what I should be doing is waiting on God to move and then jump in and follow right behind Him. 

In an effort to get to the point – there is this one thought/idea that God seems to be bringing up over and over and over again in my Bible study and reading. Quite simply that idea is – This life is NOT about me! God willing, He will help me weave together the truths I’ve been struggling to accept and learn over the past few weeks. My prayer being that maybe you too need to hear these same truths.

August and September is typically a busy time for many of us as we head back to school, launch into fall sports seasons, as well as learn and adapt to new schedules and routines. For many it means following a schedule and saying goodbye to the more relaxed summer months. For those of us in church ministry, this time of year also brings the relaunch of ministry seasons and promotion to new grade levels for our children and students. For some all this busyness and change creates stress, while for others it creates excitement and a sense of new purpose. Honestly, I tend to waffle back and forth between the two depending on the day. 

In Exodus 32, we read a story about a golden calf. Here is a quick recap of this story- Moses has faithfully led God’s people out of Egypt, they are now hanging out in the wilderness waiting to be led to the promised land. God calls Moses to go up a mountain, where He is giving him the Ten Commandments. The people however, grow impatient waiting for Moses, and complain to Aaron, Moses’ brother and the guy “in charge ” in his absence. They said “Moses has left us, he’s been gone forever and we are tired of waiting. Let’s make ourselves a new god.” (my paraphrase) Aaron agrees and collects all the gold and jewelry from the people, melts it and makes a golden calf for the people to worship. 

Now I know that most of us aren’t out there worshiping golden calf statues, however, we do worship things and people other than God. Those times when our lives seem beyond busy it’s so easy for our minds and hearts to become distracted. Times when many different people and things are competing for our attention and focus. It’s at these times when, if we are not careful we can unexpectedly find ourselves building our own “golden calf”. These “golden calves” come in lots of different shapes and sizes. They can be sports, grades, jobs, our children, schools and even ministry. Personally, working at a church it is so easy for the lines between job and ministry to become blurred, healthy boundaries slip and before long I find myself over committed and absolutely worn out. I’ll be honest and say lately my focus and priorities have been misplaced. God however, is always faithful and He has confronted me with my sin of worshiping the “golden calf” I’ve built for myself. What started off with me being obedient and following God’s call on my life somehow morphed into making it all about me, what I felt I need to get done, my plans, my way, my time table.  There have been many days lately when irritability and frustration are the reigning and winning emotions in my life. Days when I come home thinking “man, you really screwed up today Lori. You completely failed at “living a life worthy of your calling””. 

While I read this passage in Exodus and was convicted by it several weeks ago, you know what I did? Yep, you guessed it – absolutely nothing!  Sadly, I put this lesson on a shelf and then kept on pushing forward, not addressing what I knew to be the sin in my life. I honestly thought, “I’ll get to that in a few weeks when things slow down”. But God brought me to  Luke 12:13-21. This passage is a parable in which Jesus tells us about a guy who is living the “good life”, has more than enough and decides the best thing to do is build bigger barns to store all his stuff. Verse 20 is the one that punched me in the gut. It says “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life is demanded of you. And the things you have prepared—whose will they be?” Ouch!

One would think that I would have wised up at this point, but I’m too stubborn for that! But God is His faithfulness led me to two additional passages in John and Acts to get my full attention. Can I be honest with you? Even as I sit writing this, purposely trying to take a day off work, I find myself rushing so I can hurry up and get to church and back to work. Lori, you fool!

Acts 20:24 says “But I (Paul) consider my life of no value to myself; my purpose is to finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of God’s grace.” And John 12:25-26 “The one who loves his life will lose it, and the one who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me. Where I am, there my servant also will be. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.”

Love God. Love people. Give God your best. These are words I say all the time, to lots of different people. However, in the past two months I have failed at these simple tasks every single day. It’s so easy to judge. Whether we judge the “foolish” Israelites for building a golden calf, or co-workers for obsessing over their favorite football team, or students controlled by their desire to get straight A’s. It’s much harder to slow down, step back and look honestly at our own lives and discover what it is we are worshiping. The hard truth is anytime we put sports, programming, school achievement, unhealthy relationships, work, or our children’s success above our relationship with Jesus – we are in fact building an idol. Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT saying those things are bad, most of them are good and provide avenues for growth, witnessing and loving our neighbors. But when we allow ourselves or our children to become so busy and over committed and fail to build in margin for spending time with God, going to church, and resting –that is sin. I am NOT saying you can never miss church or never miss a quiet time, that would be legalistic and not the point. What I do believe and have been convicted of is that we all (including me) need balance and help/direction setting priorities and boundaries. 

Here are a few questions to ask yourself and pray through:

• What am I giving my best to? Is that thing worth my best? 
• What keeps me from spending time in God’s word?
• Do the things I love (sports, work, school, etc) put me in a bad mood if they don’t go exactly the way I want?
• What or who is my golden calf? And why?

Ask God to lead you to identify and destroy the idols in your life. Give your best to him instead. As for me, I’ve got a set of amazing friends that I’m going to be asking to hold me accountable and call me on it when they see me going off the rails again. Because the thing is, I know I’m often blind to my own sin so I need to allow those people God has blessed me with to help.