This is a special end of the year article written by my oldest daughter, Molly. She is a full time teacher, excellent artist and loves a good pun. She has an infectious laugh, is a loyal friend, and has done her fair share of writing. I hope you will take the time to read and enjoy her end of the year thoughts.

Saying Goodbye

By Molly Meeks 

“This certainly has been an unexpected year, has it not?” Doesn’t that quote just make your stomach clench? Because mine does. At every mention of these “unexpected circumstances” a flash of what I often deem anger runs through my body, clenching my stomach, increasing my heart rate, almost as if I am gearing up for a brawl. I do not believe we need to discuss this any further, because it has been discussed. Constantly. For like ten months. So there really isn’t anything left to be said. Instead, let us talk about New Years. We are quickly entering that special time of year when you reflect on the past year. You relive the memories you have made over the last 365 (this year 366) days. It is typically a time of joy and celebration, so what do you do at the end of a year, like this one, that you would really like to forget? If we could have returned this year for a store credit, or given 2020 a swift kick in the shins, we would have done so in a heartbeat. But we are left at this time of the year, at a loss for how to properly celebrate and move on. 

2020, for me, was supposed to be a replacement year. I will not go into all the gritty details, but last year around this time I was barely standing. It sucked, it really did. Many times last year, especially between the months of November and December I would look forward to this year and think “at least next year won’t be like this” and on some levels I guess I was right. But I definitely still feel silly now saying I looked forward to 2020. When I cried out to God last year to take me out of the deep pit in which I was trapped, I was not expecting to be thrown into an entirely different pit along with the entire world. Yet, here we all are. 

So again, I ask, what are we supposed to do to commemorate this year? I have seen people with t-shirts, and Christmas ornaments, and a whole variety of other 2020 memorabilia. However, if you are anything like me, I have always taken the stance of wanting to forget. I do not want a t-shirt to memorialize the toilet paper shortage or mask wearing, because as soon as it is over, I want to pretend like it never happened. But, I also have to recognize, and my fabulous counselor has helped me to recognize this throughout the year, that as uncomfortable as it is we have to feel our feelings. We do ourselves a great disservice if we do not allow our emotions to be released. Now, do not misunderstand me to say that I think we should all dive deep into our individual emotional black holes and wallow. And I am certainly not saying that we should all wear t-shirts to commemorate what we’ve lived through, you will never sell me on that. 

What I mean to say is, we each experienced “stuff” this year, and it is okay (an many times very necessary) to allow yourself to say “I am sad or angry or disappointed because of ________.” This is one of those times we need to just say God “I am weary,” and allow him to take the burden. Because, at the end of it all, God has not been caught off guard this year. Not even once. And God knows your feelings, whether you say them out loud or not. We were given emotions for a reason, and we have to feel them (even the bummer ones). But I also believe there is a second part to all of this. 

After you have felt your feelings, you must also find the joy. And I know, I know, you have heard all of these things said before and you just want to roll your eyes, but that doesn’t mean it is any less true. I spent a lot of time this year being angry. And nothing that someone said to me could convince me not to be angry. And in some respects I believe that my anger was earned, I had reason to be angry. However, remaining angry would have caused me to miss a great deal of God’s goodness throughout this year. There has been joy this year, and if we look past the terrible, we just may see that some of that joy came because of the pain. 

Here is what this reflection looks like for me: 

The shutdown of schools came as a shock, but at the same time allowed me to get out of the unimaginably horrible teaching situation and away from a cruel, unsupportive boss. Teaching at home meant a distance from the source of much of my distress, and allowed me to be surrounded by the support of my family. I said goodbye to my teaching job in the district I’d longed to be a part of, which while causing a lot of tears, also brought on an immense sense of freedom and release, knowing I was finally out of a terrible situation. After an excruciating job search, that resulted in many more tears, I landed in a school where I am truly valued. Now, I am surrounded by a group of people who tell and show me that I am loved and valued. 

At the end of this year I find myself in a much better place, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Which has allowed me to experience the joy that comes  from the support my dad has received from our church family, once again this joy came about because of pain (quite literal pain this time). Pain has a purpose, as uncomfortable as it can be. We must allow ourselves to feel our feelings, so we can move past the pain and into joy.

Happy New Year!

P.S. – Any other of my friends or followers who want to try their hand at this blogging thing, let me know. I’d love to have you share a piece here!