My husband and I were sitting on our deck this weekend, talking and enjoying the spring weather.  As I sat there I began to notice the scar on my leg (pictured above). As I studied it and ran my finger across it, I began wondering had it really faded? Or was it, that I just hadn’t studied it that closely over the winter months. The four inch scar on the back of my calf became part of me four years ago, the result of a surgery to remove a spot of melanoma. During the cooler months when long pants provide a covering, it’s easy to entirely forget that I have this scar. But once spring and warmer weather come, I once again begin to remember and notice how this scar has become a part of me. One that marks and reminds me of an unsettling season in life. Scars have a way of  doing that-permanently marking us in one way or another.

Some of us have visible scars, while others carry around the more invisible type of scarring that maybe only we and a few trusted friends know about. This particular scar of mine is not my only one, it’s not even the newest one but it is the most outwardly noticeable. And I too, carry those mostly invisible scars that come from broken relationships, deep hurt, unexpected life events, hard times, etc. Scars are simply a part of life, and something that all of us carry. 

The longer I sat there, studying this scar the more I realized the importance of these markings. Many, if not all of them come with pain. Some maybe, for instance those that come from childbirth, have been completely worth the pain. Others resulting from surgery or injury are necessary in order for healing. Then there are those that come from our own foolishness or unwise decisions and choices. Still others, I would venture to guess, mostly the invisible ones, stem from things that don’t seem to make sense and were not even our own doing. Regardless of how our scars came into existence, they are now part of us. They define who we are, how we think, how we act, and in many cases how we live. There really is no way to separate ourselves from these scars. 

The scar that started this line of thinking has indeed faded over time, but I also believe, because it is safely hidden away for many months, that there is some forgetting involved. Hiding away and/or trying to cover up these scars on our body and in our lives can be tricky. Personally, I have been considering a tattoo to cover much of my leg scar, even going so far as designing what it would look like. A cross,  with the words “sufficient grace” on one side and the scripture reference of 2 Corinthians 12:9 on the other. But for whatever reason I have been unable or afraid to actually go through with covering up this scar with another permanent marking. The cost associated with a tattoo is an easy excuse, but let’s be honest, I could come up with the money if I really wanted. As silly as it seems this scar bothers me a great deal and causes me to be extremely self-conscious. Wondering if others notice it, what they think, etc. That is another fear about a tattoo, would it only draw more attention to this marking, making me even more self-conscious? 

There are times when I think I should just leave it alone. It will always be a part of me and my story, even if I try and cover it up. It cannot be erased, it may continue to fade but it will always be there. The same can be said for our invisible scars. They will fade and we can and often do try to hide them away and cover them up. Maybe not with clothing or tattoos, but with avoidance, denial and simply with the passage of time.

But today I’m wondering, should we hide these scars? Aren’t they also, forever part of who we are? Might they have been given, just like Paul’s “throne in the flesh” from 2 Corinthians 12, for a reason and a purpose? Maybe even opening up doors of ministry or conversation with others going through a similar struggle, trial or injury? For example, one invisible scar I carry is that of my parents divorce. I can’t even recount the number of times I have been able to share that experience with the students I work with, whose parents are splitting up. This is not a scar I hide, and it’s one that continues to fade over time. But it also very much affects how I live and my own marriage. So maybe, just maybe that natural instinct to hide our scars away isn’t what God would have us do?

This past week a new scar has started to form, this time the invisible kind. It came as a result of some heartbreaking news from a friend. News that will likely leave many scars on many people. This wound is fresh, open and healing has yet to begin and I am certain it will leave a scar. It will leave a much bigger scar on some more than others. But we cannot deny that this scar, like so many others we each carry, is now a part of who we are, and the story of our lives. And while it might be tempting to try and hide it, complain about it, and allow the pain to overtake us, it’s important to realize and remember that God is still in control. He was not and is never surprised. He knew, and He knows the pain, injury, and hurt behind every single one of our scars. And He alone can provide the necessary healing and redemption we all need. Scripture reminds us so well:

• “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28
• “You planned evil against me; God planned it for good.” Genesis 50:20a
• “Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for his mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!” Lamentations 3:23-24
• “What, then, are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us?” Romans 8:31

Let’s face it, scars are a part of life. We all have them, the choice is are we going to allow God to use them and us or will we try to cover them up or hide them away. I’ll be completely honest and say, I remain unsure about the scar on my leg and the idea of a tattoo to cover it up. I am open to God’s leading. As for these invisible scars I carry, I see no reason to hide them away. Because hiding them allows the enemy a win and that is NOT what I want my life to be about. Rather I want to trust in my God who is Victorious and can and will work all things for His good and His glory.