The quietness of these days has allowed time for introspection and soul searching. I’ve shared before that I have been longing for the time and space to do just that. While it hasn’t come in the way I hoped for or expected it has indeed come and I am attempting to lean in and listen. I’ll be honest and say I don’t like all that I am seeing inside of me. When we have the time and space to stop and ask ourselves why we are thinking and behaving the way we are, it can result in our sin being exposed to light. When I started writing today I quickly realized the best to explain the thoughts in my head, would be to simply open up the pages of my journal and share. The following is just that, my honest prayer and broken prayer from late last week. 

LORD, looking inside of myself I see things I do not like. Clearly I still struggle. I sin and continue to have a huge sin nature living inside of me. This all seems very overwhelming and I have no idea where to start or how to change. I need help-we both know that. But in some ways I don’t want it. I want to prove I can do it on my own, and I don’t even know why I think this way. I don’t trust the voices in my head. Jesus, will you please draw me in, hold me close, clearing my head and heart from all the useless junk and wrong thinking. Will you change me from the inside out? I know it’s going to hurt and be hard. But also believe it is necessary in order for you to be LORD over all of me and become my enough. I surrender my all Jesus. 

Jesus, you the One.

You have given me more.

I give up and give in-not caring what anyone thinks-even those closest to me.

Jesus you are better, Jesus you are bigger – For when I am week, then you are strong

You are the One who saves.

You are the One who makes a way. My Provider and Sustainer.

You are the One who brings peace.

You are the One who who gave your all.

You are the One who calls me child, friend and sister.

You are God and there is no other!

You are the One who is faithful- even when I am faithless.

You are the One who defeated death.

You are the One who stands in the gap, walks through the fire for me and with me.

You are the One who leaves the 99 when I wander off.

You are true love. You are Jesus. My Savior. My Friend.

You are the One who fights my battles and the One who will win the war.

You are the One who is in control and holds all authority.

You are the One worthy of my praise.

Jesus, You are the One. 

Lead me Jesus, show me what when and how. Once again become my reason, why and how. Thank you for never giving up on me! You are the One that never gives up, never walks away, never stops working, never stops moving, chasing, redeeming and loving. You loved me first, chose me and called me. Teach me how to live a life worthy of your calling. Mold me, make me, use me, send me – all for your glory and your glory alone. Amen

Isn’t it amazing and awesome that when we stop running, stop fighting, stop trying and just give in, that Jesus provides us with what we so desperately need? A reminder of who He is and what He alone is capable of doing if we will only let Him. I hope this prayer from a broken place encourages you today, and lets you know you are not alone. Cry out to Jesus, He is waiting for you!