This has been a rough start to our school year. Three of the four people in my family are somehow involved in the education process. So schedules have been busy and full, not leaving much time for relaxing and enjoying the end of summer. You add in that our church uses the start of school as the kick off and grade shift for many of their ministries and programs, in which all four of us are involved. That adds in more time and more stress. None of these are bad things! And all of them are things we signed up for and in most cases enjoy doing (my youngest hates school, college now and probably always will). My oldest is in her first year of teaching full time at a tough school. I have watched her love of teaching and her students turn into a daily exercise of anxiety and frustration. And it breaks my heart. 

Not to mention that both my girls are now in young adulthood and that is a hard transition! They are both struggling to find their place in pretty much every area of life. School, jobs, friends even church are all areas that were once comfortable and secure are now uncomfortable and shaky. Only because they are changing and all of sudden they are switching sides in a weird sort of way. Moving from student to teacher, from participant to leader. Some of those who were once leaders are now their peers and friends. Which can be a cool thing, but at the same time a hard transition for both because the roles have changed. This past weekend, my daughter was deeply hurt by a situation and is now faced with making a really hard decision and it hurts me to see her hurting. As a parent, I must admit I’m finding this one of the most difficult stages to navigate. You want to help and fix, but know you can’t and shouldn’t. Many times all you can do is sit, listen and try to encourage and support. 

The other thing that has made this a rough few weeks are health issues. While our family has had a few minor things crop up, some of those in our circle are battling serious, life threatening diseases. Let me just say cancer sucks! All types and all varieties. One of the things that really gets to me are when students that I love, have to watch their parents go through these trials. Instead of enjoying the end of their High School years, they are carrying deep burdens for their family. There are currently two young ladies that I know that are walking this road with their parents and it hurts my heart. 

This list of troubles could go on and on, and honestly, I walked into this week feeling angry and frustrated. My heart broken, because there is nothing I want more than to fix all these things, yet faced with the reality that in every single instance I can’t even help. Yes, I can encourage and support but every single mama out there knows just how hard this place can be. We are hardwired to want to fix things, not only for our own children but also for those God has placed around us who are hurting. 

As a follower of Jesus, I really do try to make time to pray and listen to Him everyday. What I have come to realize, through Him is that my anger is misplaced. Who I should be the most angry with is Satan. He is a liar, a cheater, and just plain evil. The reality is that you and I live in a broken and fallen world. Every single one of us is a sinner. We are all messed up and in need of Jesus. Because of this fact, we are not perfect and at times our choices hurt others. It’s not intentional, it’s just a fact. Bad things do happen to good people and we may never understand. But God is bigger! I have been reminded these past few days through my devotional reading (New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp) that Jesus is Sovereign. He cannot and will not be anything or anyone other than who He is- God! I don’t get to choose. Not to mention that because Jesus is Sovereign, He is more than able to handle all these situations. His view and vision is big and eternal, mine is shallow and earthly.  And while this knowledge and realization doesn’t not take away the hurt or my desire to fix. What it does do is fill me with a deep assurance that He is in fact working and intimately involved. He walks with us through the valleys and supports us when we cannot support ourselves. His deepest desire is for us to lean into Him and let go. That is a hard thing for me because I deeply desire control. 

As I bring this to a close, I would like to add some scripture, but am finding that trying to narrow down the perfect passage is impossible. So let me just say that if you too are struggling, frustrated, hurt, whatever just open God’s word and trust Him to lead you and speak to you. He does indeed provide new mercies every morning, we just have to be open to looking for them and Him. Let me end by saying- Thank you Jesus! You are Sovereign. Thank you for reminding me that is safe for me to let go, because You will indeed catch me.