I’m sitting down to write, not at all sure where this is going. Sometimes being obedient is like that, being unsure of your destination. Full disclosure, I woke up in kind of a grouchy mood this morning. But nonetheless started my morning routine-made some coffee, kissed my girls and husband goodbye and went upstairs to have my quiet time.  I tired to pray, but the words were not there and honestly I just wasn’t in the mood. I was tired, frustrated, discouraged, fill in the blank, I just felt blah. You see, I haven’t been sleeping very well, I toss and turn most of the night and then wake up around 3:00 unable to really go back to sleep.  So, my mind wanders and I think about all sorts of stuff (never a good idea in the middle of the night). Anyway, not the point. This morning, I decided to tell Jesus how I was feeling. He knows anyway, so why try to pretend. I asked for His help, focus and direction.

The verse in Matthew 11:29-30 came to mind “take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for my burden is easy and my load is light” (my paraphrase).  That is what I wanted and want. A light load and for someone to carry the burden. So, I asked. Then I opened “My Utmost for His Highest” and read the devotional for today.  Get this -the title is “What to Do When Your Burden is Overwhelming” and the scripture was Psalms 55:22 “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.”  No joke. Don’t we have an Awesome and Amazing God! After reading the highly convicting devotional, I flipped open my Bible to read all of Psalms 55 for a little more context. It starts off like this in verse 1: “God, listen to my prayer and do not hide from my plea for help.” Then in verse 6: “If only I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and find rest.  How far away would I flee; I would stay in the wilderness.” It was uncanny how directly this passage of scripture and devotional spoke to the deep places of my heart. And on the very day when I was worn out and done! How often I have wanted to run away from all the pressures of life.

This got me to thinking about all the burdens I carry.  There are oh so many. They range from unsettled job situations, to decisions about college, to finances, to various ministries where I volunteer, to friends with huge struggles, etc.  It’s a long list, but I think you get the point. As I started really thinking about these burdens and listing them out, I quickly realized how heavy a load I have been carrying around. And not just mine.  Maybe it’s the mom in me, but I find that I pick up other people’s burdens and throw them onto the pile of my own. It is no wonder I can’t sleep!

The truth is, Jesus tells me to give Him my burdens. In that same passage of Matthew He says “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened”. So why don’t I? And why do I think it’s my job to pick up other’s burdens? I was somewhat conflicted because in Galatians 6:2 Paul tells us we are to “bear one another’s burdens”.  Why would Jesus tell me to give Him my burdens while I take on someone else’s. It didn’t make sense.

This is going to seem like a “rabbit trail” but stick with me. It will connect-I hope!  For a while now I have been trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. My girls are grown and in college, they are moving on.  Maybe it’s the whole mid-life crisis I have heard about. But I just haven’t been able to shake the feeling or pressure that I should be doing more or something different. (Enter me carrying burdens). I have been praying for a while about what that might be; a full time job, going back to school, etc.. But have never felt much peace about anything.  However, there is a passage in John 21, that I keep coming back to. It takes place soon after Jesus’ resurrection. Jesus is telling Peter “if you love me, feed my sheep and tend my sheep.” (my paraphrase). Every time I think or pray about what I should be doing, I sense “shepherd the flock you have been given”. So, I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about what that means and what it would look like in my life. I will not go down that trail at the moment, but might circle back to that in a different post.  Anyway, because I have been researching what it means to be a shepherd I have learned that it means: “to guide and take care of others to lead, coach, and mentor, sometimes by example”. Here comes the tie in-if I truly believe that God has given me a flock or sheep to shepherd, I should be leading by example and pointing them to the one who CAN bear their burdens as well as mine. Me carrying around a bunch of burdens, picking them up all over the place is pointless! Not to mention exhausting.

That realization forced me to spend some time thinking about why it is that I can’t or won’t give my burdens to God.  It really comes down to trust and control. I don’t trust Jesus to handle my burdens in the way I want them handled. But guess what?  I’m not in control. I don’t know best. I don’t know everything, in fact I probably don’t know nearly as much as I think I do. I am not strong, even though I want to be. And I cannot be an effective leader or shepherd or friend if I’m constantly bogged down with a bunch of junk.  While it is true that we are designed to live in community and bear each other’s burdens. It is a lie to believe that we alone are responsible for figuring out the solutions to all the problems. That is us trying to be God, when we clearly are not! We/I need to let God be God.

What’s the point to all this this? I’m pretty sure that I am not the only one out there who feels- they alone are responsible for keeping everyone’s plate spinning, while keeping all those same people happy and healthily, not to mention taking care of yourself.  It is too much! It’s not ours to carry! We serve a God who is more than able, more than capable, more than enough. He is strong. He is wise. He knows best and His ways are always better than mine. As for me-I did it. It took a while, but I gave Jesus all the burdens I have been carrying around with me.  I don’t want them back and have asked that He stops me from picking them back up, because I’m sure I will try.  They are not mine-but His. His yoke is easy and who doesn’t need more easy in their lives?

One last thing, please don’t think I have this all figured out.  Believe me I am far from it. However, I do believe that we are to share the lessons we learn and help those that are struggling and searching.  I share with my readers out of obedience to my Savior and for His glory.